To be perfect is to be flawless, as well as faultless. When it comes to perfectionism in the relationship, it’s an uncompromising pursuit of that flawlessness. It’s enough to drive anyone crazy, including the one who might be so bent on not making a mistake in which they can grow from. Perfectionism robs you of the opportunity to grow.
It’s one thing to notice perfectionism in others and how it affects you when they behave that way, but it’s an entirely different thing when you are the perfectionist. The pressure you tend to put on yourself, you put that much more on others.
Here are some ways “perfectionism” might be showing up in your relationship:
1. Expectations include those things you think, look for, feel, or believe “should” happen. A perfectionist is bent on doing EVERYTHING so perfect that sometimes she tends to put undue pressure on herself, as well as on others. A perfectionist expects things to go her way, and when it doesn’t, there’s a tailspin of other issues. They show up in her relationships and can sometimes cause severe problems if she’s not aware, and in turn make some adjustments.
2. Determined to be Right is the perfectionist going out of her way to make a point, and of course, that point WILL be right. She is bent on things happening her way, or no way at all. Her way is the “best” way; after all, she is perfect. This can really drive people crazy or drive them further away.
3. Tensed behavior is often displayed by a perfectionist. This behavior is often irrational and unrealistic pressure on not only herself, but on others as well. It can be observed as agitated, anxious, edgy, uptight, or even worried; to name a few. This can really bring a wedge between her and her relationship if she’s not careful.
So why do you suppose you continue to have situations, experiences, and relationships that frustrate you? I’d venture to say it’s probably your perfectionism showing up. If you find yourself in any of the above descriptions, and you observe some disconnection in your relationship, this could be the reason.
If this is you and you’d like to do something about it, here are a few suggestions that could help:
• Learn to relax.
• Take a walk out in nature.
• Chill out.
• Take out time to do something you enjoy.
• Get over yourself.
• Take the pressure off yourself.
• Breathe, and breathe again.
• Relax some more.
These might seem very simple, but for a perfectionist, they could be very challenging. Start by taking just one and working it until successful and then move on to another. Don’t forget to breathe.
I hope this has been helpful. If you need additional support incorporating these suggestions, don’t hesitate to reach out and connect. Let me know what stood out most for you.